Worst poem eva


Women in black.


I sacrificed a really nice lipstick to do this. I owe much to my time with live artists for this idea.


Backstage. I had changed into a “Asiatic lady” for the final round. Alas, I have lost the poem I wrote for that. But it was… bad. Here’s Isabelle and me with out various instruments.

This is the text that won me the second prize of the 2014 Annual Anti-Valentine Anti-Slam. Thanks to Paula Varjack, Dan Simpson, Isabelle Schoelcher, my illegal, inspiring, accompanist, Sophie Herxheimer, who helped me cheat, judge Amy McAllister, who turned it around for us, Louise Stephens Alexander who led me to “buttresses” and the winner, one of my best friends and performance inspiration, Charles Adrian Gillott as Ms Samantha Mann.

Click on each page to read it and my notes on the performance, post-event.


Scan 1

Scan 2

I didn’t get to read the Epilogue…

Scan 3

4 thoughts on “Worst poem eva

  1. True there are four images, but do only the last three images have links?
    has part of the HTML for this page, that is Vera’s “worst poem eva” (there’s some *very* tough competition for that title!).
    Note that looking at the HTML there are 4 images embedded in this part of the page but that only the last 3 images are inside link element tags?

  2. Oh the wonderful/dangerous ambiguity of English: I meant that there is some very tough competition from many different people for “worst poem eva”, and did *not* mean the possible alternative reading that there are several Vera poems which are competition for Vera’s “worst poem eva”.

    (But wearing my mathematic’s degree (BA!) hat, I note that if we assume that some poems are better than others, it follows that some poems are worse than others, and if almost all of a specific poet’s (say, choosing one at random, VC) poems are good, it is logically possible that the “worst” of these good poems are very similar in quality, making it difficult to choose which is “worst”. At which point the zero-th law of holes comes to mind: If you (that is me) are not in a hole, don’t dig one and get in it. Denis Healey’s First Law of Holes is – If you’re in one, stop digging. He omitted to mention the zero-wth Law of Holes, presumably he thought most people were not stupid enough to need it.)

    An example of a *very* good bad poem?

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