This is a super-painful but useful piece. Read to the end. On dating or marrying a white person and how to be an ally.
More importantly, some ideas on how to be, if you’re in a white-centred space:
“I also made a fundamental change in how I interacted with him and with the world: I stopped treating my Blackness as a burden. I stopped feeling bad about being Black. I stopped feeling like I had to prove I was different, “one of the good ones.” I hadn’t even realized I was doing it, and it’s still something I struggle with. When I’m in a situation where I feel silenced, or singled out, I don’t blame myself anymore. There is nothing wrong with me, my Blackness, and recognizing my skills and accomplishments. I am worthy. I share my experiences and amplify the narratives of others without shame. I invoke the privilege of my intelligence, education, and support network to learn more and write more about the impact of racism in various parts of my identity. I work to center myself in my narratives, instead of the men or the white people who surround me. I have reached a place where I feel safer without all the games I’ve been forced to play in this society. I’m still not 100% safe, but I’m not sure if that will ever be the case.”
Chok Notes to Self 