Day 7 – Bloody

I got ripped off and overcharged at dinner. I didn’t do much more than protest weakly. Again, I don’t want to have to prove my identity on this land, in any space. I didn’t want to argue about what I’m due. They saw I wasn’t a sure local. I wish they had been nicer because it’s the nearest source of food to where I’m at atm. I would have been in there tomorrow morning but instead I will never go back. And they will never know.

The first experience this trip of people treating me like a foreigner/outsider/someone to be taken advantage of.

The lining of my uterus is dissolving and falling out of me. Now that I’m using a mooncup I feel much more interested in my body and my cycle. I thought that I would be grossed out but I’m happy. Also, I recommend Clue, the app.

Been wondering. Why am I here? The heat is getting to me more than usual. I’m not in the city city but I’m not by a pool or by the beach. I’m not in a space I’m used to and my shackled self is crackling and unfurling and that kinda hurts. But it’s a journey.

Spent hours this afternoon worrying and waiting and feeling uncomfortable with freedom and bored and antsy. That’s ok.

Spent too long hand washing laundry. Probably have to be machine washed anyway. Will probably break out in a rash due to sudsy clothes. Satisfying though. I love handling dry clothes previously wet. A miracle! The soft crunch of tropical dried threads. I love looking at my drying pants hung up creatively and practically around the room.

I love reading a thing and knowing exactly why I don’t think it’s a good piece of writing. Am gaining confidence in terms of stating my claim. I have good taste, a great feel for talent, and other superpower skills I rather like.

I’m not so good at crossing roads but I am practising. And I’m better at eating on my own and eating mindfully. And I’m enjoying unexpectedly connecting with strangers in some of the most unlikely moments and spaces.

Cooking and talking and walking this morning was great. I was the only non couple apart from the lead staff. I was uncertain about piping up and asking questions and taking the space I wanted. But I explored it and it was ok and I learned what I wanted and no one punched me. And whatever happens next doesn’t matter. We don’t all have to be best friends forever but we did get on super well for a few hours and I am hopeful.

Don’t wait around, Chok. Follow the things I want. Even if it means lying in bed drinking tea. I bro – no. The kettle has given up on me.

I am excited about tomorrow. I’m excited about the mini fridge. I’m excited about eating sugar in the middle of the night (it’s 3am). I’m glad that I’m here and that I’m shedding skin.

(Image of a century egg that’s Lead Free.)

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